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So i just realised i wasted two years of my life. At first I was pretty sad about it. And then i thought hang on a minute I can sit down and have a cry and get all depressed about this or I can be happy that I achieved a diploma in something and can use it for a hobby further on in life. Be happy i followed what i thought i wanted at the time because now I wont be forever questioning what I could have been. Thinking oh wow I could have been in an industry where I could have made heaps more.

So commercialism art is not for me graphic design sort of ticks me off. But if someone really liked what I could do and i was mates with them and wanted a website or something I would help out. I wouldn't go FUCK YOU. I mean I do like the elements of graphic design i just don't want it as a career. So i guess I just wasted 2 years on nothing or used 2 years of my life to prove to myself I really didn't like something :P either way haha.

So now i have to cough up 28000 to go to uni. So far i have saved 10k. Hmmm i gotta start saving $200 a week instead of $150 D: I am going into the welfare sector which is something i didn't ever want to do growing up. Well i did want to do it but i didn't because my mum did it and it was really hard growing up. Well I didn't have the worst situation growing up but xmas is not fun when you associate it with no food on the table for a fortnight after.

Hopefully it wont be that way for me though I mean i have my boy to depend on aswell its not a sole income. But that doesn't mean I want to be dependant on him it just means we can hopefully share and balance out. We are buying a house together still hopefully beginning of next year. And i am looking for a better job so I can save up more sooner. I would really love to be saving $300 a week that would be like $1800 a month which a units cost. At the moment I'm only saving up $300 a fortnight which is $900 a month 1 unit costs $1200 and i have to complete 24. I have nearly 15k saved and I need to have 28800 oh god *faints*

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so tonight is the night. My graduating exhibition night. The biggest night of this year and I am shaking. I have put together some showbags of my design stuff to give to the industry people who seem interested in my work and of course to give to a few of my friends. I want to take Charlie Floyd Humpleburg my cute 6cm long teddy but I have no idea where I would put him if I was to.

I gotta shower and go back to the mall to buy more magnets to print on and i still have to wash my hair etc for my hairdressing appointment. My bed is completely covered in these incomplete showbags because I am yet leave for more magnets dammit D:. i am thinking of going into a toystore to see if they have any fun sticker paper aswell i forgot they sometimes have cool stuff to print on that other places don't.

I stopped keeping track on what i was eating i was just too stressed and busy to care for a while but I have started eating half the amount of usual on most days sometimes i just have 2 apples I know thats not good but its not even deliberate.

I found a job in the newspaper in other news for a job i only hold half the knowledge to but i am applying and hopefully they will accept me in its a 2 year contract which would be good at this time to get into incase jobs drop down in australia. Mind you the financial crisis is really in america and for some reason our $$ dropped below theirs thats bullshit! Anyways its for 60k+ a year so i am really freaking out about trying to make a good impression D:

I hope everyone else is fine and going well. Be ambitious girl. Thats what one hot jap freak once said in a pop song and I'm sticking to it :P

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Things to do today

cd for brett

finish karens assignment

finish back of business card

fix postcards for print x 25 prints each


do crunches and other exercises (done some already this morning)

work on portfolio

I'm back

it's been so stressful this semester at school I have neglected to come on here at all I know I'm a terrible person and i suspect i have no watchers anymore due to it.

Well I need to lose weight I feel like a poomba i always need to lose weight though so whats new? Yeh I know I also need to save money because me and toby are saving a house I already have money for a deposit but I am saving money for furniture and appliances and to be able to finish studying by correspondence. It's great because a uni who is offering correspondence is also one of the ones that are in agreement to cut 2 years off their course for those who complete the course I am finishing.

I am starting to do 120 situps (different varieties) 60 push ups (on knees coz I'm weak) 30 lunges (apparently i have lack of leg muscles ha) and 30 squats every morning and afternoon. But i don't really have time to go jogging at night or in morning why? Well on monday and tuesday i stay back at school for nearly 12 hrs that day that includes after class to get shite done. Then wednesday thursday friday i work all day then saturday and sunday i have to walk to the interchange and I can't really jog there without making my work clothes sweatie to be able to catch a bus to get to work on time. and I get 1 weekend off a month. Hectic no? I don't finish school until the 2nd of december and by then its xmas roster at work. I'm trying to work out a way to still get my once a month weekend off during it or else I will die D:

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Oh god I really have to work out some money saving tips. Me and my boyfriend are moving out of home and buying a place next year so I want to learn to cut down on everything from house cleaning products, washing machine detergents and stain removers to food and beauty products. So far this is what I have but its all to do with what I can do now which is quite amazing

Hair now costs around $360 PA give or take but now I have started doing my colour at home (I blonde with tipping cap so i gotta use the right stuff) which I guess will cost $30 - $60 PA for the colour and now $180 a haircut though I will now go to my b/fs friend for it so it might be cheaper than $30 a cut saving a total of  $240

For soap me and my b/f use lynx hangover which costs $5 - 7 at stores costing us about $84 a year if we change to the lynx they sell at the cheap store (its called the reject shop that will now cost us $36 a year saving $48

again I'm prissy with my hair if you didn't tell from before so I use salon blonde shampoo which costs approx $240 (40 every 2 months in shampoo conditioner) if I switch to avons colour technique shampoo/conditioner I also get 25% off from my order making that $90 a year and saving $150 a year

I go to a beauticians every 5 weeks for a brazillian thats $49 a visit $510 a year. I shave my calves every week once or twice that ends up costing $90 or more PA in new razor ends if I switch to cold wax which I assume will last atleast 14 months (for a 350 tub) that will cost $42 a year and I will save $558 a year

So all in all from beauty products alone I end up saving $996 per year

Not taking any yet thought into deoderant and other products such as cleaners and moisturisers which I will be changing also :P

Now I'm asking for help from you guys. I want to know what you do to help with your budget if your living out of home do you make your own stain removers and cleaning agents if so how. I have looked up on the net for recipes etc and all I have found is well crap its not very good at describing and very bulk and I don't know I just really want help. I have heard of clothes stain removers made of bicarb and people using vinegar as all purpose cleaners but I would really like ingredients to crunch down on expenses when we move out.

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I feel fucking grand bloody fantastic. Finished reading new moon by stephanie meyer and now am onto eclipse the third fourth book doesn't come out til june :( and they left a teaser at the back of this book its going to be so hard not to read it I don't want to read it until its out argh >.< damn you bloody teasers.

I've already done all my exercise for the day and its only 12.50 because I have a driving lesson soon. I'm trying so hard to eat at least 1000 calories a day it gets really hard because the exercise and 2 ltrs a day water consumption seems to supress my appetite a lot. So yeh if i don't do over 400 calories a day I'm not doing good and at least 1 hrs workout. I have to stick up the game because I am eating more (or trying to yet not being successful). So today and yesterday together I burned a total of 1000 calories thats pretty good yay haha.

I want to buy books I'm addicted to reading atm and I saw atonement at the second hand book shop 15 minute walk from my place. The movie looks like it would bore the fuck out of me quite frankly but i can read things I wouldn't normally be able to watch (like ghosts and stuff).

Anyways I best be going to eat my toast and have a shower toodles

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I feel empty again... numb.. I feel really upset but like I can't cry and there is no need to cry. But I am also extremely nervous but not sure why >.<. I want to go to sleep but I want as much of this homework to be done before I do. So when i go to school tomorrow I can finish everything off. I want AFAG over and jo's class... and karyns class though I want to get all her stuff printed and then work on fixing any problems. I just want everything over Business practice studio 3 video and sound design culture I want the only thing left to be graphic design 2 and I want that over ASAP. I just want to be able to chill and be me without worrying about pointless assignments >.<

I think thats it I think school is just draining me... school and everything else I have to complete. Getting a license school making a nice portfolio... what about just fun stuff hanging with friends reading making something for me I don't know :S

just a quiz

Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
Not that I am aware of

When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
ummm no i usually wait til I get to my destination unless its a long trip

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
wanting something is not enough and some things are just out of reach

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
haha yeh

Have you ever snuck out of the house?
hmmm my house isn't very easy to sneak out of given its size and openess but yes I have

Kill or Be killed?
kill depending on the circumstances. I'm not going to kill an innocent to save myself

Ever broken someone’s heart or had your heart broken?
I don't think so and it got hurt but is completely mended now

What did you do today?
read harry potter 1 and some of harry potter 2 read some design magazines played with my new drawing tablet and did some sketches. Nothing too exciting. Hermoine has given me the inspiration to do a lot of homework during the holiday and extra studying so I'll get right to that tomorrow.

Do you like someone right this second?
I like that person every second

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I have one I don't plan on getting anymore though. Maybe I will change my mind when I am older more knowlegable and have had kids

What was the last thing you ate?
chicken sausage

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I don't want to choose either I like to sleep at night but I don't like to get up in the morning.

Do you snore?
no sometimes I make weird bunny noises in the back of my throat and I often twitch in my sleep

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
yes a few of them though I am not connected to them anymore for other reasons

What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
err scream and call the police wtf would you do?

Do you like to spend time with people?
50/50 I like my time alone but I like my time with people. I just prefer my time with people to be with people I hand pick rather than the people I am made to be in contact with on a daily basis so I come across as a wannabe hermit to some

Are you hungry?

Are you a forgiving person?
I guess it really depends on the situation I can be a very big grudge holder so don't fuck me over

When was the last time you did the dishes?
erm last week? I haven't eaten dinner for a while actually so not sure I do my own dishes daily though

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
sometimes 1 person on msn I don't really have a big selection of online friends

What are you about to do?
probably read another chapter of HP 2 then go to bed. I'll finish it tomorrow and start on 3

Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
No but when my mum told me my dad had died I went into shock months later I still thought I would see him come back into my life (that he was never really in in the first place) saying it was all a big misunderstanding but it never happened and made me have awful dreams

If you could be a superhero what would you want to do?
If you have seen the adventures of Alex Mac... everything she can do

Your name plus "ness"?

Three feelings at the moment?
unaccomplished lethargic lonely

Done anything you regret so far in life?
as frank sinatra says "regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention" and I gotta agree with him there :P

Are you listening to anything?
no trying to be quiet if I'm not heard or seen maybe my family will forget about me

Where are you right now?

What are you scared of?
lots of things random creeks old houses make, ghosts, open doors at night time no matter how big or small (like cupboard doors wardrobe doors etc), mirrors in the dark, no mirrors found in my room

Last movie you watched?
hmmmm.... Peter Pan the one with that jeremy dude in it

Last song you sang out loud?
oh man a song from the little mermaid

Are you thinking of someone right now?
the same person I think about constantly

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mum

Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
i don't download seriously I don't

Have you changed much this year?
Yes and hopefully I keep on changing into a person I don't hate I don't blame myself completely on what I used to be as I was it from day one in the world but I will hopefully grow out of it more and more every day

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
AHAHA actually this one time I was hanging for a wee so I ran into this pub I had been drinking outside of and this guy at the bar grabbed me and went "are you sky from neighbours (australian soapie) and people say I look like jenai however its spelt too. I just look like any blond haired young girl from neighbours apparently because some people said I looked like sky's lesbian g/f once too.

Oh and my boyfriends sister and his gay uncle think I look like heidi klum

Do you speak any other languages?
I speak fluent jibberish

Do you dress for style or comfort?
depends on my mood

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
I wish and one night I will

Favorite colours?
Lime Green

What do you look foward to this summer?
nothing will be stuck working all summer so no beach for me :(

Last time you smiled?
not long ago maybe 15 mins

If you could choose any fate what would you choose?
I don't want to choose a fate it might alter everything

If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?

i fail

since easter sunday I have been vomiting up anything i ate til wednesday morning. I think this was to do with my burst of insomnia and my body being so tired it could not digest food trust me i wasn't throwing up to get thinner and i wasn't doing it on purpose it was just my body telling me to fuck off.

Wednesday body crashed. I slept in on the one morning I shouldn't have I felt so bloody bad I missed the next bus didn't get to the bar I was meant to meet a friend for photoshoot for our assigments til 11am. When I got to class at 1 i realised.  I didn't have my questions with me so I promised the teacher I would email them to her. Well I've searched through my room high and low and can not find them anywhere.

Options find her today talk to her say sorry but I can't hand them in as I can't find them in my unorganised hack of a room. Or continue looking frantically and get more behind on my website assignment which btw looks dreadful haha. Man i hate this. Whenever I get sick for a few  days in a row I always get so far behind its not funny.
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